Monthly Archives: November 2011

saturday

A Saturday.  Another one, spent with only each other…

We’ve been without husband or MIL now for weeks and days, respectively.  I know they are missed, and it is novel to have this time just to ourselves again.

It’s funny, living as a family apart for so long and then merging back together again is still, even months later, like trying to relearn how to be a family in so many ways.  Who guides the children when certain situations come up, how can we work around work schedules and sleep schedules intuitively, how many meals-to-go need to be prepared, who intervenes the unprovoked wrestling match when we’re both in the middle, when will I get some “me” time to ride my bike at the lake?

Somehow, that last one is extra tricky for me.  When I’m alone, I expect to be the sun and moon, 24/7.   No biggie, pace yourself, no expectation of down time or pure free time.  Being with the kids *is* my free time.

But somehow I tend to get my undies in a knot when we’re both home and I don’t have a broad breakdown of a schedule to work around, no moment I can reserve and look forward to and go fill my tank.  Why do I need that when we’re together but not when I’m alone?  I guess that’s the trick about having a ferociously busy and entrepreneurial husband and being an introvert then, huh?

When you’re parenting solo , a dynamic changes.  I’m still trying to figure out how to capture the essence of it on any other day-in-the-life we have because it can be so sweet.

On a day alone with these boys, I am the sun and these small and medium sized planets circle in erratic ellipses around me throughout the course of the day.  Out to the sandpile and back, down two driveways and then back, into the garage and back, into the TV and then back.

Always back to me.  To cry, to complain, to request, to display, to snuggle.

There is no one else to get permission from, no one else to entertain them, no one else to pull them off of each other, no one whose work to innocently disrupt with the pure desire just to BE together and connect, or to exasperate at 4:30 AM with PLEEEEEASE can we put the Christmas Tree up now {squeal!!!}!?!?!

And so this sweet Saturday goes like the last one.   One where there is but one person accountable for our children.  For better or for worse.  For crazy-making and for sweet kisses and snuggles.  One where every meal, snack, diaper change, clothes change, sweater reminder, smooshed raspberry in the carpet and response to, “Mom!!  Watch what I can do!” is my department.

I miss my sweet husband and thoughtful Mother-in-Law.   I know our boys do.  It will be so good to have them back.

And on these sweet obligation-free Saturdays, I love my department.

Advertisements